I don't think it's fair to place any sort of timeline on grief or moving on, and hypothesizing about yourself is only that-you won't know what timeline is right for you until you're in the situation. I might raise my eyebrows a little but unless it appears the husband is being taken advantage of in a vulnerable state, I'd be happy he's happy. You gen don't know what any marriage is like unless you're part of it-they may've been together 20 years but that doesn't mean it was perfect.
And even if it was, a week could be enough for one person; 10 years may not be long enough for another. My dad's been gone going on 4 years. His death wasn't unexpected he was 87 and in failing health , but my mom has shown zero interest in dating anyone, and insists she probably never will even though she's only in her early 60s.
It would personally take me a lot longer than two months, but everyone grieves differently. Two months seems short. I can see why you would be taken back. Two months feels very soon to be dating again. I wouldn't say anything but I would silently judge if someone I loved died and their spouse was back to dating so soon. I think that's a natural feeling. For me I don't think I would move on. I have been with my husband since Since we were teens.
So I doubt I would be back on the scene in less than two months after he died. But life goes on and people don't want to be alone. We want and need love. So I think whatever time is right for them. But I think it's unfair to date so soon and get involved if you're not healed from your loss. I think that as soon as the person is able to try being with someone else and wants to, that's the acceptable time. I worry that I'll die and leave my baby without her mom.
Her father is amazing, but she needs more than just him.
Dating While Widowed: How Soon Is Too Soon? | anniegirl
I would hope that he could find someone who would love him and my daughter, and that they would try to help her move forward in her life and always be respectful of my memory and remind her how much she was loved. I even wouldn't mind if some nice woman comforted my husband at my funeral and it developed into a relationship. Someone isn't more dead over time. They're the same level of dead from the first minute. Whatever someone needs to do to move forward is what they should do. Some relationships are once-in-a-lifetime perfect fit fireworks and rainbows miracle.
Those shouldn't be passed up because society might think an individual's timing is tasteless. It can be quite healthy, though not always. Grief doesn't have a set timeline but I would be concerned about someone I know moving on after only 2 months after the sudden death of their spouse of 20 years. Like a PP mentioned, I might be concerned that they are being taken advantage of in an extremely vulnerable state, or I might worry that they are avoiding their grief and choosing denial instead by jumping quickly into a new relationship. It would depend on a lot of individual factors whether I would be concerned or not, but I can see how it could be a potential red flag for a bigger issue.
Your response got me teary-eyed. You sound very mature. It would be awful to leave my babies without a mom above all else I don't believe i would ever want another man. I have to admit that i have been very hurt by the short amount of time between a death of a spouse and a new girlfriend. I have seen this more with men. When my mimi died, my grandfather had a new girlfriend within a month.
Dating Etiquette After Spouse Dies
I was as shocked as you and very angry. I was very close and i couldnt look at this new woman in my grandmothers house. It took me a long time to get over it and i m still resentful. My great aunt died two years ago, and my uncle had the maid moved in within a week literally! This woman took everything down ans threw away all my aunts stuff. She threw away our ancestry papers my aunt had in the house.
I told him to stay in the moment with me..
Now its been 2. A while ago he suggested that we meet in October.. I am totally up for it but since then.. I am not quite sure what to do. I know the obvious thing is to drop it.. I think this could actually be more if he could just get his head out of his ass. Politely because he still responds when you initiate but still pretty much a ghost. LDRs are hard when both people are keen to make things work but at the moment, you are wanting this more than he is. You could simply chalk this up as your first post-widowed relationship.
You were both dealing with heartbreak. You got each other through it. Start looking about in your daily life for dating opportunities. Tell him how you feel and what you think the future could be if you both decide to seriously explore this relationship. Final note, you are five months out. Which is not a long time. Be certain of your motivation. Is this relationship what you really want? Ultimately, dating is still dating. I am getting married in a couple of months to a man that I dated 13 years ago, and due to him getting accepted at college 3 hours away and me then 18 taking care of 3 of my cousins that I got temp custody of while my aunt and uncle were in jail… we parted ways.
I got married and so did he.
Dating After Your Spouse Dies Is The Third Rail Of Grieving
I divorced in and have a 6 year old child. His marriage ended that same year when his late wife passed from cancer leaving him with an 18 month old child. So, he took care of her and did what he was supposed to as a father. Very noble in my opinion because most men could have just walked away especially dealing with an ending marriage before a sudden cancer diagnosis that had no cure and was too far progressed to really save.
It literally was a death sentence for her.
She also suffered from what sounded like post partum depression and never really bonded with their daughter. She died 15 months later when the baby was 18 months old. So, after 6 months of getting acclimated to being single with a child as a man, he decided he wanted to see what I had been up to and to his surprise I was divorced. He contacted me and things just fell into place where we left them 13 years ago. We got along great, our kids got along with each other, his kid liked me, my kid liked him.
It was seemingly very happy! We decided to move in together, he should the marital home he once shared, and we moved into a new house to start a new life for the 4 of us. New house, pool, big back yard, room to ride bicycles… it seemed as if everyone was getting a second chance at a glorious life.
Then, out of nowhere, HIS parents and siblings started to tell his child that she had an old mommy that is in heaven but loves her very much and has a new mommy at home. I was just called by name and we were all so happy. I had boxed up important things to share with his daughter when she was old enough to inquire and had a BIG plan for that moment for her and I to really bond as friends later in her life. She is constantly reminded by extended family on both sides that her old mommy is in heaven but loves her and she has a new mommy at home.
How do you fix that? WE had a great plan. WE wanted to be the ones to tell her on our terms and when she was ready. She never seemed like she felt she was missing or had anything different. She seemed very happy when we all moved in together and was excited she had a big sister. She constantly diagnosed people with either being narcissistic or bipolar or manic or something! So, do you move forward and tell people to stop the drama?
After a year and a half of me trying everything under the sun, she just seems like her affection to me has been lost and it tears me up inside. At night I cry silently, praying for something to happen to ease the tension she has towards me and for God to please give me back that sweet little girl that was so happy before people stepped in without even talking to her dad first about any of it or how he would like to approach it.
Discussing Your Late Spouse
They just took it on themselves. We got engaged and it got worse and is progressively getting worse. I have two friends who married widowers with very small children. In both instances there was some push back from in-laws that was confusing for the children.