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Casual dating and herpes

After I was diagnosed, I was scared of rejection and stopped dating entirely for a few months. But I knew that the longer I put it off, the scarier it would be. We went on a couple of dates but I didn't know when to bring it up. After our second date she asked me to come inside after I'd walked her home and kissed her goodbye, but I refused. I'd been drinking and I was far too afraid to talk about it then. The next day, I called a support line in a panic, and their advice was to tell her before we went on another date. I called and invited her round the same evening.

That whole day, I thought about nothing else and felt sick when the time finally came. I told her as we sat on my couch, looking at the ground the whole time. When I looked up she just laughed at me for being so worried, and kissed me. The reason being that if I'm dating someone and think we might have sex at some point, I will tell them that I have HSV But I only want to go through that with someone I really like, who I know I can trust. No one has ever seemed to be put off by the HSV However, it has meant I've been less likely to date friends-of-friends for fear of everyone finding out.

I even dated one woman who told me she also got a coldsore 'downstairs' and was so glad I brought it up because she was scared to. In terms of managing the condition, I take antiviral medication twice a day to control the symptoms.

Living (and dating) with herpes - BBC Three

I am aware that many people will not want to have casual sex with someone who has herpes, period. However, it's also an extremely common and not particularly debilitating disease, and surely there are also many people out there who either already have it or who aren't too bothered about having sex with someone who has it as long as precautions are taken to reduce transmission. How do I find those people?


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If it matters, I am a lates straight white male who likes a degree of intellectual connection in his hookups and is also somewhat kinky. All suggestions are welcome. Insights gleaned through personal experience would be especially welcome. If you prefer not to speak publicly, either use the Contact Form ask to the mods to post your answer for you or email me at hsv. Thank you very much. If I knew that the person was on prophylactic valacyclovir to reduce a asymptomatic viral shedding, and that and safer sex practices were going to be used, that would go a long way toward making me feel comfortable with the minimal risk.

Well, first, you should go back on the antivirals. If nothing else it will help demonstrate to future partners that you're concerned about preventing transmission. Exactly what the previous two posters have said. I was in a monogamous two-year relationship with a guy who had herpes. I didn't, and haven't. One of the big things that made me okay with his STD status was that he was very proactive about minimizing the risk of transmission.


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  • That included taking Valtrex valacyclovir. I know there are forums for people with herpes and other STDS-s who want to date, but I'm not personally familiar with any. But in a more general sense, I think you want to disclose your status up front AND you want to get back on anti-virals. In that sense, I wonder if online dating may work well for you, in part because you are kinky.

    Living (and dating) with herpes

    Generally, as you probably well know, there are some folks who will be okay with dating and sexing if you are safe, and there are other folks who will run screaming because they don't know any better. The more proactive -- and vocal -- you are about not spreading the HSV-1, the more likely it is that people will want to have sex with you.

    Sex with someone who has herpes with Alexandra Harbushka - Life With Herpes - Episode 090

    Maybe more among the sexually active dating pool. In fact, the last time I was STD tested, I had to press Planned Parenthood to do HSV-1 at all which is the only reason I know I have a neg status , and getting it done required insistence almost to the point of "look, I know the stats!

    I've had a paper published in the Journal of Virology , for christ's sake! I still want to know my HSV-1 status! They transmit sensation and body heat well. Long-term adverse effects doing this are rare, even after years. If you have outbreaks on one medication, you may want to switch to another. The medication decreases the risk of transmission by suppressing outbreaks, but you can transmit herpes even without an outbreak.

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    Although neither strategy is perfect on its own, the combination offers the most protection. Your date who was diagnosed with prostate cancer was wrong to blame this on you. Some studies indicate that there might be a link between herpes infection and prostate cancer, but the evidence is not strong yet and, in any case, does not prove that the herpes caused the cancer—there might just be an indirect link. Prostate cancer has multiple causes, so odds are that his cancer developed for other reasons.

    In any case, six months is far too short a time to associate his prostate cancer with contracting herpes. Did you know that there are several online dating sites specifically for people with herpes? It may help you feel less isolated. One word of caution: Some users of these sites report that the lack of educational resources and the panicked communications do little more than segregate people with herpes. May you find joy and intimacy. Thanks to sex educator Ashley Manta , pharmacist Paul Roberts, and medical anthropologist Mac Marshall for their suggestions and insights.

    Would you like to see more questions and answers? Senior sex Sex at Our Age.